Travel agents will put together trips to view Celebrity Zombies! For a small fee you could off a D-lister or two!
This is part two of one of our more popular posts “10 Celebrity Zombies We’d Hate to Run Into” but instead of it being a lit of celebrity zombies that you want to avoid it’s a list of celebrity zombies you want to out right grant “Mercy” too. Or to put it bluntly ones that you want to see sliding down the end of your sword, put in a human sized blender, or basically on the end of your zombie killing weapon of choice!
We asked our favorite Facebook groups which celebrity they’d most enjoying killing during the zombie apocalypse and they answered. Oh how they answered too!
For the most part the list wasn’t too surprising and we’ll show the top ten in just a minute (not in a slideshow either. Yay us!). After the top ten we’ve listed a few of the one offs that got our attention as well. Some of you have a really interesting definition of the word celebrity while others took the time to rant about how messed up we are as a society to celebrate certain people.
And then there were the people that we just don’t agree with too. Here’s our list:
Top 10 Celebrity Zombies you want to find during a Zombie Apocalypse
#10 Nicki Minaj
We have to admit that we don’t listen to our number 10 on the Celebrity Zombies list that often.
It’s none other than Nicki Minaj and when I hear her on the radio my first thought is “Why are they playing a song from a Chihuahua who inhaled a helium balloon?”
Love her or hate her the one thing you have to admit is that she…has some really shitty lyrics for a rapper…and that’s saying a LOT!
“When I’m sitting with Anna, I’m really sitting with Anna / Ain’t a metaphor punchline, I’m really sitting with Anna.” — ‘Come on a Cone’ Tell us what you really mean…oh your sitting with Anna. Nevermind.
“Yes my name is Roman, last name is Zolanski / But no relation to Roman Polanski.” – ‘Stupid Hoe’
I could be a rapper with lyrics like “Yes my name is Zombie, last name Punter / I like killing zombies cause I’m a Zombie Hunter” — Quick buy my album today!
Way we’d like to see them go: Catapult her into a field of spikes.
#9 Tom Cruise
The next on the Celebrity Zombies list just so happens to be L. Ron Hubbard’s favorite coming in at the nine spot…and I see why. It all started when he fired his publicist back 2004. I have to believe that he’s always been like this but they were able to keep a lid on most of it and not let his bat-shit craziness out to the public. You know…like a publicist should do.
Once she was fired he went balls out with the crazy talk. From postpartum depression cures to jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch it seems like we’ve had enough of him…except for his movies. He can still rock an action film and his character in Tropic Thunder thunder had me rolling!
None-the-less he was chosen and shall remain on the list. Maybe lord Xemu will save him when the Apocalypse comes…but I doubt it.
Way we’d like to see them go: Lure him down into the barrel of a cannon then set it off! BOOM!
#8 Rosie O’Donnell
The next of our Celebrity Zombies is the only celebrity to grace both our lists of who you DO and DON’T want to run into as a zombie.
The reasons for her making this list is mainly due her constant bullying on The View and having a very smug sense about herself as if she’s the only one entitled to an opinion.
She also has stated something along the lines that no one should be allowed to own a firearm and yet she has armed bodyguards for her and her children. Seems fair right?
Not exactly for sure what happened to the funny Rosie O’Donnell from her old stand-up days or her (somewhat) funny performance in “A League of Their Own”. Maybe the new Rosie ate her?
Way we’d like to see them go: Tie her up and force feed her the rest of Women from the View until she POPS!
You know the Leader of the Free World would make this list no matter who was in office. You picked him as our next Celebrity Zombie, we just added him to the list…and if homeland security is reading this please understand that this just for fun and no one wants to harm him.
Currently at a 44% approval rating it’s no wonder he made the list. From Obamacare to the NSA and all the talk about having a transparent government the majority of Americans feel that Obama has failed. Just like the majority felt George W. Bush failed, and the majority felt Bill Clinton failed, and the majority felt Ronald Reagan failed, and the majority felt Jimmy Carter failed….see where I’m going with this?
Politics in the United States is literally DYING for the Zombie Apocalypse to happen sooner rather than later!
Way we’d like to see them go: Oh no! We aren’t going to suggest anything for this one…and if homeland security is reading this please understand that this just for fun and no one wants to harm him…unless he becomes a zombie that is. (Again we want to state that in case homeland security is reading this please understand that this just for fun and no one wants to harm him.)
#6 The Entire Kardashian Klan
You may think that we got a lot of votes for one particular member (well we did but more on that in a bit) but an overwhelming response to our question was simply “The Kardashian’s”. Yes the entire damn family of Celebrity Zombies.
They are the family that has everything…and did NOTHING to get it. They make the American Dream look like an American Nightmare. From Kylie – Kris we can’t seem to hate them enough…BUT oddly enough their ratings don’t go down any. It seems to me that if everyone hates the Kardashian’s then their show’s ratings would bomb and they would get the plug pulled faster than a oil tycoon on his death bed shortly after marrying a twenty-something model from Texas.
Way we’d like to see them go: The media whores would all be strapped the rest of the fireworks left in the world and all of them set off at once. We’d let their cameramen film it for one last hooray too.
#5 Kim Kardashian
Next on the list of Celebrity Zombies originally became famous for making a porno with a new musician who was about to drop an album… Coincidence on the timing of that sex tape? I think not.
Only it didn’t work out the way Ray J thought it would and that’s why we don’t have a “Keeping up with Ray J Family” reality TV show or there’s no Ray J perfume line either. He’s so bad off that he can’t even afford more than one letter for his last name I hear.
Anyway her most talked about ASSet now is her…brains? Nope. You guessed it…her ass…and he comes in a little further down the list.
Way we’d like to see them go: Hook her leg around the ankle with a cord attached to a helicopter. Fly her up as high as you can and wait for her to stop swinging. Then unhook her so she falls thousands of feet to the ground head first. Finally we’ll be able to get her head out of her ass as she hits the ground. Matter of fact her head should go through her ass at that height.
#4 Miley Cyrus
One of the Facebook fans said this of our next Celebrity Zombie “She does drugs and is a very bad role model for kids and teens! Plus she LOVES sex.” Then I thought HOLY SHIT ME TOO!
So I dug in a bit further about her to find out some more reason that everyone hates her…and I couldn’t find anything. Nothing real at least. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not a fan of her music because it’s not my style. But most people claim to hate her because she dresses provocatively, sticks her tongue out a lot for pictures, brags about doing certain drugs like “molly”, or she’s only famous because of her father. It sounds like a lot of jealousy to me but either way she made our list.
Way we’d like to see them go: Here’s a no-brainer. Strap her to a wrecking-ball and tear down a massive building. Something should puncture her head during all of that.
#3 Donald Trump
How dare you want to see the future president as a Celebrity Zombie! (Note to self: After he loses the primary or drops out all together come back and change this line to say that we knew it all along because there’s no way in hell he’s getting elected)
But honestly we can absolutely see why you’d choose a guy like Trump. Multi-Million dollar blow hard with a shitty toupee. A borderline, if not all-together, racist, and general arrogance that just makes you shake your head in hopes that what words just came out of his mouth were nothing but a joke. Sadly they were not.
Although his wall idea would help during a zombie apocalypse if you built that wall only around your safe house.
Way we’d like to see them go: Tie him down at the bottom of the “The Big Wheel” on the set of ” The Price is Right”. Modify the wheel to have axes sticking out the side. Now SPIN IT!
#2 Kanye West
I’m going to let you finish reading this but Celebrity Zombie Kanye is the best Celebrity Zombie of all times. ALL TIMES! I know it’s an old joke that won’t die (like a zombie) but it was funny to us in the office at least.
Do you really need reason for the Kanye hate? Here’s a few that come to mind.
The over-sized ego: “My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live,” West said in 2006.
He’s stormed stages and bashed award shows for awarding who he felt was the wrong nominee. “If I don’t win, the awards show loses credibility,” 2006 MTV Europe Music Awards.
He has a messiah complex and is a conspiracy theorist on AIDS and has stated that AIDS is a “man-made disease” that was “placed in Africa just like crack was placed in the black community to break up the Black Panthers.”
If that’s not bad enough he usually types IN ALL CAPS on twitter so we just assume his keyboard is broke and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
Way we’d like to see them go: Ram an umbrella into his big mouth then open it until his head pops off.
#1 Justin Bieber
Take one part multi-millionaire before he was out of puberty and add that he acts like no one has ever told him “No” before and you get the perfect combination for a Douche-bag Master General and perfect for our list of Celebrity Zombies. He is the epitome of this generation that is coming up…and it’s ALL OUR FAULT! (Parents if your children act out discipline them…discipline the shit out of them if you have to. We have to save this generation!)
Here’s some of the bigger reasons he has so much hate:
He said rape happens for a reason.
He went to a children’s hospital and spent 5 minutes with them whilst the cameras were on and left. Attacked a photographer at said hospital for good measure too.
He’s banned from Walt Disney world for punching Goofy. Donald we can see…but not Goofy!
He wrote in the guest book of Anne Frank’s house that he wishes she was a “Belieber” (Douche-bag Master General bonus points here)
He was arrested for drunk driving.
He spit on his fans over a balcony
Way we’d like to see them go: Force him to listen to his own music so loud that it vibrates his brain into mush.
Here’s some interesting celebrities that also got at least one vote that made us…shake our heads a bit.
- George W Bush – Made the list only twice? As hated as he was while in office we figured it would be more.
- Lil Wayne – But come on…. He’s Lil and will get hurt in the apocalypse. Poor Lil guy.
- Roseanne Barr – I’m sure she’d fight the zombies over food and would make it out alive. She looks like she can scrap!
- The View – Yes the Entire Cast was voted on a few times.
- Teletubbies – Someone clearly has childhood issues here.
- Bill O’Riley – Only 3 votes? That’s as much as Hillary got… I thought he was hated much more.
- Hillary Clinton – Only 3 votes? That’s as much as O’Riley got…I thought she was hated much more.
- Michael Bay – Someone said that it should be in a massive car wreck with a HUGE explosion!
- Bill Murray – Why? Why Bill Murray you sick fucks!?
- Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner – Caitlyn Jenner is a hero!
- Gary Busey– Isn’t he already a zombie? Could have fooled us!
- Kim Davis – Not a celebrity but I see your point.
- Michael Jackson – Someone wanted to see a live version of “Thriller” I bet.
- Neil Patrick Harris – He’s an american treasure you son of a bitch!
- Norman Reedus – Some people just want to watch the world burn don’t they?
- Walt Disney – We hear his body was frozen and will be thawed out soon…so who ever said this one you better hide!
Agree or disagree with our list of Celebrity Zombies you’d like to find during the zombie apocalypse? Who would you add or take out? Let us know in the comments below!