After the zombie apocalypse happens owning a few Celebrity Zombies will be all the rage! Buy yours today!
When the virus is unleashed the most heavily populated areas will be hit hard. We expect LA to be one of those cities unfortunately, and that happens to be exactly where most of our beloved celebrities live. It won’t be long before you’ll see selfies with Zombie Brad Pitt or Zombie Taylor Swift (please, please, please!). Check out our list of the top 10 Celebrity Zombies we’d hate to run in to in a post zombie apocalypse world.
Of course there are some celebrities that we simply don’t want to run into even if they are not zombies for one reason or another but our list are the ones that would probably be the hardest to kill because of just how tough they are in real life.
For this list we stuck to celebrities that are currently alive at the time of this post.
Top 10 Celebrity Zombies we’d hate to run into:
Honorable Mention – Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson
OH MY GOD have you seen this dude!? He plays “The Mountain” on HBO’s hit show Game of Thrones and he fits that name to the letter. The ONLY reason that he’s an “Honorable Mention” is that he’s not quite hit the status of “Celebrity” yet. If he were a zombie and was looking to make a meal out of me I think I’d bend over and kiss my own arse goodbye. Not only does he look like he could squash your head off your neck we are betting he has the strength to do it too.
Here’s a video of him deadlifting 994LBS.
Number 10 – Rosie O’Donnell
Seriously we’d be shaking in our steel toed boots if we saw her as a zombie. Sure we’d be able to outrun her and sure if she did catch up to us it’d probably be easy to dodge her…but what if. What if you fell while she was chasing you and twisted your ankle or broke your leg? What if you were in a car wreck and was knocked out. What if you were trapped with your back to the wall and a horde of zombies was coming at you…and she was leading the pack! AHHHHHHHH! Sorry I had a minor melt down there. But seriously I don’t think she’d be the type of zombie to let any part of you go to waste so the chances of you coming back as a zombie is pretty low.
Here’s a clip of her ambushing Tom Select over his support of the NRA. If that doesn’t take balls I don’t know what does.
Number 9 – Samuel L. Jackson
Does this zombie look like a bitch!? Well no, of course not. He looks like a Bad Mother Fucker though! I think I’d be more intimidated by the afro-man from Pulp Fiction than the eye patched Furry from the Marvel movies. He’d be the type of zombie that you’d point a gun at his head then rethink that idea and put the gun down and apologize. Want to know how to pick him out of a zombie horde? He’d be the zombie with the words “Bad Mother Fucker” carved in his head.
Here’s a video of the best scene from Pulp Fiction.
Number 8 – Jason Statham
Yes he’s an English actor but don’t think for a second he’ll be all stereotypically nice and well-mannered as a zombie. He’s a martial artist trained in karate and kick boxing, while he reportedly practices jujitsu “to relax”. Usually performs his own stage combat and stunts in his films. But while filming The Expendables in Bulgaria, things went badly wrong. Fellow hard-man Terry Crews described the situation: “We were doing a stunt and Jason Statham was driving this truck and we were supposed to be on the back of this truck.
“He literally is supposed to stop the truck, we get out, we shoot, the whole thing … (only) the truck doesn’t stop. The truck goes over the dock, into the Black Sea with Jason Statham driving.”
Statham was plunged into the water, and while the crew on dry land panicked, he went into beast mode and swam to shore. Obviously.
Every Jason Statham punch, ever. …so far that is.
Number 7 – Mike Tyson
At one time Mike Tyson was THE most feared man on the planet and he showed us that he’s not above taking a bite out of someone either. Tyson holds the record as the youngest boxer to win the WBC, WBA and IBF heavyweight titles at 20 years, 4 months, and 22 days. Tyson won his first 19 professional bouts by knockout, 12 of them in the first round. Not only would you have to stay around from zombie Tyson’s bite you’d have to dodge his powerful left hook just as much as his bite too. With an impressive number of punches in his arsenal we hope that part of his muscle memory goes out with the rest of it.
Here’s a video of his fastest knockouts. I tried to find one with out some crappy music blaring over the background too so you could hear how hard he hits.
Number 6 – Dewayne “the Rock” Johnson
Have you seen The Rock lately? He’s freaking huge! I mean even MORE huge than before! He’s “hugier” than ever. So huge that I had to make up a word to describe him. Coming from a wrestling family breeds toughness inside of you. The kind of toughness that gets you a scholarship to play football for the Miami Hurricanes ahead of NFL legend Warren Sapp. An injury cut his football career short but not his wrestling career. How many chair shots and body slams has this guy taken and jumped back up to get more? We know that the dislocated finger video was faked but I tend to believe that if it were true the outcome wouldn’t be much different.
Here are some of the Rock’s best moments in WWE.
Number 5 – Chuck Norris
Alright we know that no zombie could ever turn Chuck Norris but imagine if one could. How could you escape from those zombie roundhouse kicks that he’d be throwing? Want to know some FOR REAL Chuck Norris facts? He hasn’t lost a fight since 1968.
All ten of his losses came early on, giving him a record of 168-10-2 at the end of his long career. He invented his own martial art. He was the first westerner to be given the rank of 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master in Taekwondo and also has black belts in Judo, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and Tang Soo Do. Plus if Hollywood has taught us anything it’s that no bullet can hit him!
Here’s a video of a very young Chuck showing some Karate to Eva Gabor…who probably is a zombie herself.
Number 4 – Arnold Schwarzenegger
Are you kidding me? The Terminator, Conan the Barbarian, the guy that killed a Predator. Do I have to say more?! Okay I will. A much younger Arnold went AWOL from the Austrian army to enter his first bodybuilding contest. Talk about dedication. The kind that as a zombie would chase you for months or even years! His feats of strength is something to be noted too. He could deadlift five full beer kegs (710 LBS), squat a 7-foot x 7-foot hot tub (545 LBS), clean and press a classic Vespa (264 LBS), bench press two Kenmore 69313 stainless bottom freezer refrigerators (440 LBS), and could life a full-sized sofa over his head while your teenager sits on it and plays video games (298 LBS). What could you hind behind? Doesn’t matter he’d either push it out-of-the-way or walk through it! I just hope that right before he dies and becomes a zombie he says “I’ll be back….as a zombie”.
Here’s a video of him back in the day doing what he did best.
Number 3 – Danny Trejo
Did you know that famous tattoo he has on his chest of the woman in a sombrero is a prison tat? Applied with a needle and thread while in prison by one of Trejo’s friends the image took more than two years to complete because the two kept being transferred to different prisons. He has spent numerous years in prison for some very violent things like stabbing a sailor with a broken bottle. He was also sent to the hole for allegedly starting a prison riot. Plus his face is not something you’d want to see walking toward you in broad daylight as a HUMAN! Now to see him stumbling towards you as a zombie would leave brown streaks in your underwear as you tossed all of your survival gear and weapons at him to make yourself lighter so you can run faster. He’s truly one of the meanest on the list. We do want to note that he has turned his life around and found God so his mean days are thankfully behind him. But as a zombie I’m sure he’d remember a lot of his old habits and generally make life hell for those of us surviving….just for the fun of it.
Here’s 10 facts about my favorite character of his. Machete!
Number 2 – Clint Eastwood
Most of us avoid going outside the entire fall season for fear of getting a little stuff nose…Not Mr. Eastwood. Did you know that he’s in fact allergic to horses? However he worked with them in countless movies. But that’s just the tip of the macho iceberg that is Clint Eastwood. He has literally survived a plane crash. In 1951, while he was in army, he survived a plane crash and later on in his career, he never made use of that crash. He was riding from Seattle to Sacramento in a Douglas AD-1 military aircraft, and there was a technical malfunction. So the pilot needed to crash the plane into the sea. One of the last of the American “Tough Guys”. What’s a “Tough Guy”? He’s someone who won’t stop fighting you until you are beaten no matter what you do to him. I got a good feeling that even at 80 years old he’d still kick the living shit out of most of us. As a zombie he’s not going to stop until you’ve made his day.
When you come at zombie Eastwood with a knife I hope he says this.
Number 1 – Jackie Chan
But he’s such a lovable guy. Who could possibly be afraid of him? Right? WRONG! Have you seen the shit this guy can do with his body? He has to be an alien or some sort of superhuman to do most of the stunts he’s done on his films. Matter of fact he holds the Guinness record for ”Most Stunts by a Living Actor”. No other actor can or will do what he does to get the shot for the film. Jackie Chan zombie will also do whatever it takes to get the brains hiding in your skull too. Don’t even try to take him out because as a human he’s shaken off and continued filming where most of us would have been crying and screaming for our mommy. One his injuries would have killed any normal human OR ZOMBIE. During one stunt he fell and landed on his head. Where a piece of his skull cracked and shot up into his brain. He has a permanent whole in his head where they’ve put a plastic plug to keep his brains from falling out. The only shot you’ve got is to aim for the plug!
Here’s a video with his top 10 injuries along with a kick ass sound track that’s by Jackie himself.