Attitude Era Wrestlers we’d pick to go toe to toe vs. zombies during the apocalypse with us.
Well why not combined two of my favorite interests in to one? Wrestling and zombies to come up with one of the all-time best zombie fighting teams ever assembled! Wrestlers vs Zombies is such an awesome idea that I’m actually disappointed in myself for NOT thinking of earlier or coming up with a movie about it. But someone beat me to the piledriver. Check out the IMDB page for a film called Pro Wrestlers Vs. Zombies http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2240046/ It looks like one of Roddy Piper’s last films too. You better believe I’m going to track down a copy and check it out. Have you seen it?
The “Attitude Era” was the best IMO. I often find myself looking up old videos of RAW or Smackdown during my lunch breaks and find myself longing for the day when they had some spirit. Back when men were men and women were men too (Loved me some Chyna back in the day).
While watching a video of someone beating someone else to a pulp with a chair or men throwing each other through tables I think to myself that I either have to get a life, OR, which of these oiled up, testosterone enhanced, tanned to brink of burnt, men would I choose to face the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse with me. Thus this list was born out of necessity to keep me from having to get a life. Welcome to Wrestlers Vs Zombies!
#10 – Bubba Ray Dudley
Sometimes you need someone (or two) that will carry out jobs that you aren’t comfortable doing yourself. A job that you wouldn’t dream of doing unless it meant you’d have a better chance at survival. That’s when you call on Bubba Ray because he doesn’t give a crap as he proved when he smashed an 80 year old female wrestler through a freaking table!
Bubba Ray would be on my team to handle all the dirty work so I could keep my hands and conscious clean as a whistle.
PS – Just as a side note Bubba later admits that when he slammed Mae Young through the table she farted in his face. HAHA!
#9 – Al Snow
A deranged schizophrenic who talked to a mannequin’s head may not seem like the best choice but every team needs a certain element of “crazy” and Snow will fill all of the elements at once. Plus his talents in the hardcore style will come in handy too. Snow would be the type to gleefully accept the “suicide” mission just because he’s bored or “head” wanted to get out of the bunker for a while. The bonus part is that out of all of the team members he would be the one that could pull that mission off and get us what we need.
Here’s a video of just how crazy Al Snow was in the attitude era.
#8 – Kurt Angle
The man stands for intensity, integrity, and intelligence and is without a doubt the best true wrestler on the list. I mean he won a gold medal in the 1996 Olympics. If that’s not impressive enough please understand that he competed in the finals while his neck was broke! If I had my neck broken the list of things that I WOULD do is very small. Basically it would be along the lines of: eat, relieve myself, sleep, and sob silently as I suck my thumb…but that is IT! Wrestling a match against someone who is good enough to get the silver medal in the Olympics wouldn’t even crack the top 50, hell it wouldn’t be in the top 100,000. It would probably fit somewhere in-between swimming in chum filled water with sharks and going to a Justin Bieber concert.
You need someone with this kind of determination and spirit in their hearts. Someone you could lean on when times were at their toughest and most of your hopes are gone. Plus this version of Angle doesn’t drink beer so that’ll be more for the rest of us if we find any. But all the milk we find has his name on it.
#7 – Kane
We need the Big Red Machine in case we backed into a corner or trapped in a one way out situation. We’d simply call on Kane to take out some zombies and clear a path for and the crazy masked man could do that job with ease.
A special bonus with Attitude Era Kane is that he won’t talk your ear off. He’s a mute and trust me when I say that in this team it would be a welcomed trait.
#6 – The Big Show
WELL…It’s the Big Show coming in at number 6. Sure he might be good at killing zombies while on missions but with his size and weight he couldn’t get in to some areas and just may clog other avenues up to the point of trapping you inside. So leave him behind. He could easily defend the home all by himself and while he’s there he could do some of the heavy lifting and help fortify it too. He’s the best choice for bunker guard. The one that you could trust to guard the bunker so that no zombie or looter would disturb anything you’ve got. Imagine the look on the looters face when they see an angry giant come after them. FEE FI FO FUM indeed!
He’s so big that they have a video dedicated to the people who can actually lift the Big Show.
#5 – Chyna
Yes Chyna! Keep in mind that this is Attitude Era Chyna. The one that was in Playboy and she looked damn good in that magazine too. She was the first female to actually compete with the men and gave them a run for their money too. She was the first female Intercontinental Champion and was a hardcore champion at one time too. They had to book her against men because she squashed all the women. Not only that but she came to the ring with a bad ass fireworks shooting bazooka type gun too.
She may not be as gorgeous as Trish Stratus was but in a war against zombies we’d take Chyna any day…or night.
Chyna squashing Trish Stratus.
#4 – The Rock
The Rock is the most electrifying wrestler in WWE history but would he be useful against zombies? YES! The Rock was always a badass no matter if he was a face or a heel. Unlike heel champions of days gone by that would duck, dodge, or deny to keep the championship the Rock would face all comers and whip some candy ass. He never backed down even when the odds were seemingly stacked against him. He’ll be the person you need to push you through the horde to make it safely on the other side. Plus he’ll come in handy with quick quips and one liners that will keep you laughing while fighting the living dead.
It’s hard to pick just one video so here’s a “Biggest Wins” vid.
#3 – Mick Foley
This pretty much only includes Mankind and Cactus Jack because we don’t think we need Dude Love during the apocalypse. That’s not a knock on any ones sexual orientation but just saying we don’t need the character of Dude Love. Anyone can get all the dude love they want and it’s none of my business.
Was there anyone in the Attitude Era more respected and more dangerous to their own self than Mrs. Foley’s favorite son? I think not. I don’t think the zombies would even be able to hurt him. How many chair shots has this guy taken to his head? I checked on google and am very disappointed no fan has ever counted this up. Shame on you google…shame!
You need someone willing to put their body on the line for the betterment of the group. Someone so….bat shit crazy that they’ll let someone throw them off the top of the steel cage to make sure you get out alive.
#2 – Stone Cold Steve Austin
IMO the Stone Cold/McMahon feud is one the greatest wrestling storylines of all times. Who hasn’t wanted to flip their boss off then give them a Stone Cold Stunner and drink a beer…and KEEP your job! Anyway this is about zombies and not how much I hate my job. Stone Cold would make a great General for the team. Barking orders to the others and getting them fired up to do what’s necessary to keep everyone alive…or as many alive as we can. Plus when the SHTF you know Stone Cold wouldn’t mind whuppin’ a little zombie ass. Matter of fact I’m sure he’d lead the charge where ever we went.
As the General he’d be able cut any sort of political bullshit off at the start. Everyone loves and respects Stone Cold and he’s a tell it like it is man-to-man face-to-face kind of guy that wouldn’t put up with any behind the back talk but that’s just Steve–live and dangerous in your face delivering you the bottom line . . . as only Stone Cold could SAY SO! …I just hope he doesn’t get stuck in a “what” loop.
Stone Cold funny moments part 1.
#1 – The Undertaker
Dead Man Walking! The Attitude Era Undertaker showed the darker side of the Undertaker and you could even argue that he was technically portraying a zombie with supernatural powers.
Leading his stable, the Ministry Of Darkness, there was an awful lot of “satanic” elements to his character, with people comparing him to the Devil, and his stable to Devil Worshipers. It was a new wrinkle added to his character, and he played the role very well.
We placed him at number one for a few reasons. He’s big, agile for his size, not afraid to kick some ass, and there’s a slight possibility that he could be able to control zombies like Murphy on Z Nation (magnificently played by Keith Allan. You can follow him on twitter @KeithAllanDuh ). That would be the best thing for us…until we pissed him off.
Here some of the darker side of the Undertaker.